20 Reasons to be cheerful...

Dear Child of Mine,

Yesterday Papa and I talked about you. I try not to talk to Papa too often because I want him to decide for himself that he wants us to have another baby, rather than be hectored into it. On the other hand, if I never mention you at all he would quite happily never give the matter another thought. It's a tricky balance to get right.

Anyway, he knows how I feel. I can't remember how the conversation came about, but he asked me the reasons why I want another baby. These are some of the reasons I gave. I wanted to write them down for prosperity.

1) Because I love Papa very much, and I would love to have another of his babies.

2) Because I would love to see how another baby of ours would turn out. Would you be dark haired or fair? Quiet and content, or stroppy and bolshy? Musical or sporty, or something else?

3) Because I love Peter and David very much. Yes, I have found motherhood challenging, but they are the most important things in my life by far. Surely another child would just add new love and joy, long term?

4) Because Peter is almost 14 and I assume he'll leave home to go to university in four years' time. I would like him to feel part of the bigger family, rather than him feel that we had another family once he had left.

5) I think Peter would be a great help. He might not be great with a tiny baby, but before long he could babysit for the odd hour or two, taking the pressure off Papa and I somewhat.

6) Because we'll only be a family of five for a few short years. After Peter leaves, it'll be the same as having two children.

7) I think David would be an amazing older brother. I think he'd find it tough, but I think having a baby brother or sister would be good for him long term.

8) Because right now my career would not be too disrupted. I could still write and bring home the same salary. I could restart my career properly once and for all once the child raising years are over.

9) We now have well established routines and a baby would fit into those. They're not unchangeable; more that I am at home, I do the school run, I make dinner at the same time each day, etc. We are settled.

10) I could write the book whilst pregnant, and receive the royalties when the baby is small.

11) We have a nice, large bedroom that would fit a crib very easily.

12) We have a spare room that could easily be a nursery. It even has a king size bed in, so on nights when you cried a lot, dear child, I could sleep with you and Papa could sleep undisturbed.

13) We have a seven seater car. You children could all fit on the back seat, or David could go in seat behind.

14) We have all the baby equipment from last time, so it'd cost very little. The only real outlay would be if you were a girl, dear child, then we would need to buy you clothes. However, with the unisex ones we already have, the gifts you are inevitably given when a baby is born, and what I can make I don't think this would be very costly.

15) I'd REALLY love to have a daughter. I wouldn't be at all disappointed if you are a boy, I have two sons and I know what to expect with boys.

16) We have names picked out for you already. If you are a boy you will be called Harry. If you are a girl you will be called Lottie.

17) Raising David was bloody tough. However, we know a lot more with the benefit of hindsight than we did at the time. Any slight hint of a lactose intolerance and we'd be down to the doctors quick-smart. The same situation wouldn't repeat itself.

18) I had post natal depression with David. Again, I know the signs and will be down to the docs to take anti-depressants at the first sign of trouble. Realistically, even if the worse were to happen, we have new knowledge and new coping strategies.

19) Peter was a wonderfully easy baby. I'd like to experience motherhood again so that I can feel less guilty about David's babyhood. I'd like to be able to conclude that the problems we faced were because it was a tough time for all of us, rather than because *I* couldn't cope.

20) Although we don't have a lot of support from our families, we're that much more confident at ignoring all their well intended advice. We have an excellent nursery and an excellent primary school nearby.

And there you have it. 20 reasons why we should have another baby right now - and I haven't even mentioned my age.

Papa didn't seem browbeaten, and he didn't offer opposing arguments too much. He nodded and smiled, and engaged with the reasons. He did say "oh, I don't know" once or twice, and he did say "but it's a gamble."

Yes, it is. Papa, I understand your concerns completely. I wish it were an easier decision.

Sleep tight, little one,

Mama x